I love kids and animals. I always have. I love creatures and people who are innocent, full of life and just want to life their lives the way they wish, without being controlled, manipulated, mistreated or abused. It is unfortunate that there are so many people in the world who have this weird obsession to control others and use people for their own purposes. There are a few things I don’t tolerate, willful ignorance, abusers and narcissists being three.
And guess what, neither should you. As someone who has reached middle age, that grand and glorious chapter in life, I can say with complete accuracy that most of you don’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about. But let me enlighten you. Let me share with you the knowledge I have gained so you can avoid the devastation that can come into your life if you don’t know what to watch for.
I am a product of divorced parents. I am also the father of kids who have suffered through their own parents getting divorced. Let me tell you something. This is never easy. There’s plenty of hurt and blame and all manner of horrible feelings that comes from divorce. Divorce is probably the biggest problem this country faces but it’s so normal these days that we just accept it. There are many problems I could talk about but the biggest one I want to touch on is the chaos that comes from a parent that creates a division in the family.
But isn’t the family already divided when people get divorced? Yes, but I’m talking about a different division, one that is oftentimes subtle but devastating. Keep in mind that parents are human beings, therefore flawed beyond measure. There are some parents who will lie to their kids in order to gain control of them, for their own needs and desires. There are parents out there who will portray themselves as victims in order to gain sympathy from the kids. They will wail and moan about how hard they have to work in order to provide for the family. They will malign and denigrate the other parent as being heartless, cold, unfeeling, uncaring, a deadbeat, etc. These people will lie to your face about how much they love you and just want you to be happy. They will scream and yell at you and call you all sorts of names when they get mad because of how ungrateful they say you are and how you don’t appreciate how hard they have to work in order to provide.
Kids, listen to me. This is not normal behavior. If you live with a parent that acts this way, you are being manipulated and controlled. This behavior is a mental disorder. There is no cure for it and the only way you can deal with it is to remove yourself from the situation. You may love this parent more than anything and you will defend them at all costs but deep down inside you know something isn’t right. So what do you do? You make excuses. Mom has a lot of pressure on her. Dad has to work two jobs to make ends meet. She hits me because I’m a bad kid. He calls me names because he’s overworked. He never spends any time with me because he spends so much time making sure we have food and clothes. These people uses whatever means they can in order to maintain their control over their kids and anyone else that might be useful, whether it’s a list of beta friends, a new spouse, step children, etc.
This is absolutely nothing more than a way to maintain control over a child who hasn’t developed mentally or emotionally enough to recognize it. And I’ll be honest here, okay? I’m no doctor or behavior specialist. I’m just a man who has seen this time and time again. I know the patterns and I know the tactics they use. There is nothing you can do to “fix” them, no magic words or deeds that will change anything. All you can do is be aware of it and learn to think critically.
Critical thinking is your biggest weapon against the abusive parent. And yes, this is abuse. Make no mistake about it. But learning to think for yourself is the biggest favor you can do yourself. Do not just take somebody’s word for something if you don’t know it to be a fact. And a fact isn’t what your mother or father tells you is fact. Like I said, these people will lie to you as easily as taking a breath. You have to search for answers and you have to understand that just because this parent you’re living with tells you something is true doesn’t mean that it really is.
If you weren’t there and heard it with your own ears or saw it with your own eyes then do not make the assumption that you know what really happened. A parent who suffers from personality disorders can make you believe everything they say because in their deepest part of themselves, they are tortured souls who hate who they are, are insecure and jealous and mask it by being loud, obnoxious, critical, strict, stern and mean. You may have heard your mom or dad say something like, “I’m your parent and I demand respect.” Let me tell you this; respect is earned, not demanded. If you have a mother or father who demands respect then you are dealing with an out of control person who doesn’t even respect himself or herself. This is one hundred percent true and I know what I’m talking about because I have seen this in my own life.
It isn’t your fault your parents didn’t stay together. I know it hurts and it sucks and it isn’t fair. I went through these exact same feelings a long time ago. But you will grow from it and you can become a successful, productive person if you learn to think for yourself and not blindly follow these abusive vampires masquerading as people who “only want the best for you,” or some other such statement. What they really want is what’s best for them, not you. These emotional vampires cannot stand to be alone because then they are forced to face their fears and hatreds. If they keep people around them constantly, mostly subordinates, then they can take their frustrations out on you and any other siblings or step parents who live with them. They will say how much they love you, and they do. However, it is a selfish love, the same as one loves a car or a painting or a favorite dress, cat or dog. These people are incapable of real love. It is surface level at best and it is easy to see once you put on your critical thinking cap and study it.
This is the heart of truth and learning. Be your own person and never let any adult gain control of your heart and mind. If you do, you will become a slave. If you learn to be your own person and think critically, you will always be true to yourself, which leads to a lifetime of success, not failure.
Chose that path. It will not fail you.